How you know a band is crap:

They regularly do chord changes for the last chorus
At a gig, the lead singer always says “HELLO [name of city]” in a hearty voice
Their fast songs are slow
Their drums sound like fresh eggs being dropped on a tiled floor
They are pretty, look healthy, and are well-groomed
They wear designer clothes
Their albums are about their “journey” and their godamned love-lives
All their songs are quiveringly sincere
They interview well on mainstream chat shows
They do that fake sob thing to show how deeply they feel stuff
They call the person they’ve cheated on “baby”
They win music awards
They like fashionable causes
They end gigs with a massive singalong, like <this lot>